i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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