Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
