If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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