I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
