If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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