That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
