So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
