she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
