It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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