I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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