I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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