After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize