I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
