he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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