I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
