Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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