We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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