It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
