if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
