I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
