Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
