I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Congratulations! We have a period
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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