Do you still have your period?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
