I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
zippers are such a cool invention
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need moral support for this bender
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
