Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
