i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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