i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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