I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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