My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
