when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
