dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
