last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
