I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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