I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize