Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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