i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
