I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
