My room smells like vodka and shame
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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