We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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