i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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