Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
