so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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