I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
