Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
