My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
