im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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