so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
