Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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