I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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