you will always have a special place in my vag
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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