If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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