I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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