Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
