We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You're like the curious george of whores
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
