i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
