what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
