no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize