Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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