His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
