I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
