Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
