I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
